Sara McGinnis
posted in CelebritiesSometimes you just have to laugh in lieu of completely losing your mind. Parenthood can be a long road, riddled with potholes and curves, but the good news is we're not alone -- there are quite a few comedians in the trenches right along with us.
From sweet to silly, a look at what some of the funniest fathers around have had to say on the topic of raising children:
Louis C.K.: "Be a dad. Don't be 'Mom’s assistant.' That's depressing, just waiting for her to write you a list, walk around a store staring at it, calling her from the cereal aisle to make sure you got the right thing. Be a man. Make your own list. Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed a 4-year-old?
Take it on. Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won’t take away your manhood; it will give it to you. I did that. I spent more time with my kids. And I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure."
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Paul Rudd: “If I can walk around in my underwear and pull it up super high so it’s just gross looking and then try and be very serious with them. I like to do that … pretend to be very mad and have my underwear hiked up … really high.”
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Jimmy Fallon: "That’s what true happiness is right there. There’ll be nights when you’re sitting on your couch, and you’re with your beautiful wife, who you can’t believe married you, and your beautiful baby, who you feel endlessly grateful you were able to have. And your dog … You’re watching Real Housewives getting into fist-fights on TV. And you go, ‘How great is my life? I’m so happy right now.’"
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Ray Romano: “Having children is like living in a frat house -- nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.”
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Michael Ian Black: "I really love my kids for about six minutes a day."
"I'm so conscious of not pushing my own agenda onto my kids that I let them walk around flaunting their terrible taste. As a result, I have become well-versed in the art of Miley Cyrus."
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Jon Stewart: “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”
“The thing I love about them is their joy, their exuberance. My boy will dance when he sees something he likes. We’ll be walking down the street and he'll just start dancing and I’ll be like, ‘That's mulch.’”
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Jerry Seinfeld: "The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I've gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!"
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Jimmy Kimmel: "I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps."
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Stephen Colbert: "My daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I’m trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder -- she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too."
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Kevin Hart: "I'm a fun dad until you don't do what you're supposed to do. But even the tough dad is still fun because I can't not laugh at myself for trying to be tough!"
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Chris Rock: "When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
I've never been with my kids and gone, 'Man, I wish I was on my stage right now.' I've never been with my kids and gone, 'Man, it'd be so great if I was on a movie set right now.' But I've been doing a movie and wished that I was with my kids, I've been on tour and wished that I was with my kids. Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing. It's a privilege. It's not something I call a sacrifice."
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Jim Gaffigan: “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’”
"Unfortunately, these narcissistic traits that made me a popular comedian do not work well for someone who truly desires to be a good husband or parent," he writes. "I’m not saying parenting cured my narcissism, but it changed me, and continues to change me every day. For me, parenting was literally a wake-up call from my own simple selfishness. In other words, I’m not quite as horrible as I used to be.”
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Will Arnett: "Two nights ago I had to bribe my 3-year-old, Archie into finishing his dinner with a King Cone. That thing is half his body weight, so he was going on chocolate and sugar until 10 p.m."
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Hank Azaria: "You know, there are things about it I love, and things about it I don’t. Mike Myers describes fatherhood as the kind of crush you had when you were 12—when you fell in love when you were 12 years old—but having that feeling over and over again every day. I do agree with that. Some days more than others, depending on how whiny or cranky they are. But it’s just this almost chemical, crazy, intense love, which you didn’t have since you were an adolescent. But you feel it, for sure!”
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Mike Myers: "Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I knew I wanted to be a father, I didn’t know it was going to be this awesome or that my kid would come out so beautiful and lovely."
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What words of parenting wisdom get you through the tough days?
Photos: PR Photos
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