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Dax Shepard has absolutely zero qualms about telling the world about his recent vasectomy, which he opted for after his wife, Kristen Bell, had a pregnancy scare.
Explaining they were in Atlanta to shoot The Boss, the actor told Jimmy Kimmel "...all of a sudden [Kristen] goes, 'Oh, my gosh! I'm so stupid. I've been sick for 10 days and ignoring it; I'm definitely pregnant.' And I was like, 'We're going to turn into Jon & Kate Plus 8 or something. We already have no life! This is going to be not worth living.' I freaked out. It was so bad. That was Tuesday and she had to work, so for eight hours we didn't get a pregnancy test. For eight hours I was like imagining my life with all these kids. That was Tuesday. I flew home Wednesday for a meeting. Thursday morning I had a vasectomy."
It turned out Kristen, who gave birth to their daughter Lincoln in 2013 and their daughter Delta in 2014, wasn't pregnant.
"I had a vasectomy and Kristen was not thrilled that I did it so quickly," Dax went on to say. "But I'm a man of action, so I was in and out. I was back in Atlanta two days after that shooting a Samsung commercial."
But wait -- there's plenty more to the story.
Dax Shepard went to explain, "But what you have to do when you get a vasectomy is about three weeks later you have got to take your semen in to make sure that it's worked; they test it to make sure that the semen's actually sterile or not. They don't provide an area there at the urology clinic to service yourself, so you have to bring in a sample," he explained. "So, I had an appointment at 5:00 in Beverly Hills. You have to procure your sample within two hours of when they get there, you follow me? Because they'll start dying and who will know if you were fertile? So I was working. I had a meeting scheduled at 3. No problem! I'll have time to go into my office, relax, extract, go to Beverly Hills. I brought a Mason jar with me that I rinsed with extra hot water—sterile, I think."
"So, I'm in this meeting—mind you, my best friend's in this meeting with me and he knows the time crunch I'm under—and the meeting's going on and on and it's all the presidents of Warner Bros. I can't get out of this meeting and the clock is ticking. All of a sudden, I'm out of the meeting. I have 15 minutes to get from Burbank to Beverly Hills and procure my sample," the director and star of the upcoming CHiPs reboot recalled. "This is the God's truth. I had to drive cross-town, rush hour—thank God there was heavy traffic on Laurel Canyon, so it slowed down enough that I could [multitask]. I literally masturbated on Laurel Canyon in heavy traffic. It's one thing to loosey-goosey just go for it, but I have a jar and it's heavy traffic. It's very curvy. For those of you have not been on Laurel Canyon, it's one of the twistier roads in America. It's hard enough to get through that road while not making love to yourself, into a container."
"Anyways," the 41-year-old concluded, "the great news is I'm sterile!"
Congratulations?! I'm not even quite sure what else to say at this point -- though I do understand the idea of a post-vasectomy surprise pregnancy is frightening.
It wasn't entirely easy for my husband and I to decide we done having kids after two, but once we made that mental leap we were sure. He had a vasectomy, cleared the check-up test (in much less dramatic fashion than Dax), and we've been good to go ever since.
Photos: PR Photos
Ready for more? Check out how Dax and more celebrity dads have described childbirth:
Ryan Reynolds, dad to daughter James with Blake Lively: “I was there in the delivery room. I mean, I was there for the conception of the child, so I thought the least I could do is be there in the delivery room. I’m not going to lie to you… I saw things. But, amazing!... I was just a terrible coach. There was a lot of clapping. I went for a couple of high fives, but she did not.” (REX USA)
Dad-of-two Dax Shepard on his wife Kristen Bell's c-section: "So there’s a sheet and then they go, 'The baby’s here!' Then you peek around the sheet and they’re lifting out the baby, but then you notice your wife is completely disassembled. I was like, 'It’s a girl... your liver’s out, I think! And those are definitely your intestines. And she has your eyes... oh my God, put her back together correctly! After seeing this autopsy, I would rather see a school bus drive out of her vagina." (PR Photos)
Johnny Depp, who has kids Jack and Lily-Rose with his ex Vanessa Paradis: "You know, when you welcome a child into the world, you witness the birth of your child, and you've been there for that nine month period, you realize that there's no doubt, there's no question that women are the stronger of the sexes. There's no doubt. Any man who had to carry a child for nine months would cave in about month or two. And then delivery, you know labor? Yeah, it's over with." (PR Photos)
Matthew McConaughey, dad to Levi, Vida and Livingston with wife Camila Alves: "Contractions started kicking in. We had a 14-hour session, her and I did. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music. We were jamming! She was sweating. No painkiller, let’s go. She just clicked into that gear that only a woman has at a time like this. We’d been up for 40-something hours, and we went from dead tired to a really steadfast, 'Let’s handle this... let’s stay in the rhythm. Don’t let the contraction be more than you.' The doctor wanted to give her an epidural, and we said, 'Give us a few more hours to keep rocking with this.' I wasn't speaking for Camila. She had the option of saying, 'Give me an epidural, right now,' whenever she wanted. This is where I learned – and no-one tells you this – but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing! And I mean that as a beautiful thing. It is wild. But the vacuum didn’t work, and the doctor said, 'C-section.'" (REX USA)
James Van der Beek, dad to Annabel, Olivia and Joshua with wife Kimberly: “We had the birthing tub there and we had a midwife on the way and I started filling up the tub and my wife said, ‘I think I’m in early labor’, and she has them quickly, so I knew immediately to fill up the tub. She got in the tub, had the baby before the doctor even got there… I caught the baby (as she came out)… I didn’t even ask the midwife! I realized after… When you’re a dad of two and you see a baby just drop, you go in.” (PR Photos)
Robin Williams, dad-of-three, who passed away in 2014: "You’re standing next to her in the delivery room saying 'breathe, honey' and taking big deep breaths in, because you have this myth that you’re 'sharing' the birthing experience with her. Bullsh*t. Unless you’re passing a bowling ball, I don’t think so." (PR Photos)
Ewan McGregor, who has four children with his wife Eve Mavrakis: "The scariest moment of my life was when my daughter Clara was born. I was trying to be a rock for my wife Eve, but I just got more and more frightened the longer it went on. I was just thinking, I'm not big enough for this. I'm not quite sure if I can handle this one. Then it happened and it was so beautiful that I just cried and cried." (PR Photos)
Taye Diggs, dad to son Walker with ex-wife Idina Menzel: "I was holding her hands and cheering her on. I said I would look two times. I would look when the baby was crowning, and I wanted to look right when [son] Walker came out. And then when he came out, all of a sudden it was like my inner gangster came out. I was like, ‘Yeah baby, that’s what I’m talkin’ about; that’s my boy!" (PR Photos)
Channing Tatum, who has daughter Everly with his wife Jenna Dewan: "It was crazy. You feel helpless. We like to think of ourselves as big, strong men, and we could handle whatever situation. And reality is they are so much stronger than we could ever be. There's a reason why we weren't given that job, evolutionary or whatever. My wife, she's a warrior. She did it as natural as you can. [As a man], you're basically a cheerleader. 'Come on, baby, you can do it.' I would've tapped out in the first." (REX USA)
Dad-of-five Jim Gaffigan on his wife Jeannie's home births: "People are like, 'you didn’t want to go to that germ-infested building where sick people congregate? Didn’t your wife want to give birth in a gown someone died in yesterday?' Well, it’s the truth...There was also a midwife there, because we believe in witchcraft." (PR Photos)
Will Smith, who has kids Willow and Jaden with wife Jada Pinkett Smith: "My wife Jada was in labor for eight hours before our son Jaden was born. I was by her side all the while. It was an agonizing time for her and I kept stroking her forehead and reassuring her that everything would be all right. I also gave her ice chips to suck on because she was so thirsty. I'll never forget those hours, or when our son finally came bawling into the world." (INF Photos)
Scott Wolf, who has three kids with his wife Kelley: “I was in Vancouver and my wife calls early on a Saturday morning. She’s like, 'It’s happening; you gotta get on a plane.' Unfortunately, the night before we were at a drinking establishment and we had gotten over-served. So I basically got on a plane and was recovering the whole way.... Thankfully I had the good sense not to tell a woman who was about to push out something the equivalent of a bowling ball out of her own body that I had a headache. Terrible idea!" (PR Photos)
Director and dad Luc Besson: "The most violent thing I’ve seen in my life is the birth of a baby, you go from liquid, dark with no pressure, no weight, to air, light and weight and it’s so violent to watch, it’s a wonderful moment, but f**k – the women is screaming, the baby is totally contracted, there’s blood everywhere, so we start and enter this world by violence.” (PR Photos)
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