Engaged Jessa Duggar talks holding hands, having babies

by

Carolyn Robertson

posted in Celebrities

Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar have a new reason to celebrate: Their daughter Jessa is engaged!

At 21 years old, Jessa Duggar is the 5th oldest of the Duggar's 19 children, and she has more than just wedding planning to look forward to now that she's said "Yes" to her 19-year-old fiance Ben Seward's proposal. The cute couple, who have been together for over a year, have yet to so much as hold hands - though they plan to start now that they're headed to the altar. Their first ever kiss, though, will have to wait until their wedding day.

Jessa explained her slow approach to romance in an interview with Cosmopolitan earlier this year, saying, "We’ve set our guidelines really high, and people will not understand that. They’ll be like, 'That’s weird. How are you going to show you really love the guy if you’re not having sex with him before marriage?' But that’s where we purpose in this stage of our relationship to focus on building strong communication because anyone can just go out and have sex.... [As] time goes on, maybe at engagement, we’ll talk about hand holding, but we want to save our first kiss for marriage, too."

As the old saying goes, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes... babies! Both from big broods - Ben is one of seven - the pair say they too plan to leave their family size "up to God."

"We are talking about our goals and even just like future, with family, we both talked about adoptions," Jessa tells PEOPLE. "We are open to having children and both want to adopt, too."

I think it's incredibly important for a girl - or a boy, for that matter - to wait until they are emotionally ready before having sex, but in my mind that has little to do with a marriage certificate. Holding off on even kissing until after the wedding day seems a bit extreme. Physical intimacy and sexual compatibility generally play a pretty big role in a relationship. What happens if you say "I do" only to discover that you and your brand new husband have neither?

Michelle and Jim-Bob Duggar celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary just last year. Sharing their tips for a long and happy union, the reality star mom put sex at the top of the list, advising, “Say yes to sex, even when you’re tired.”

It's certainly tricky territory for a parent, teaching our kids the healthiest way to approach sexual intimacy. I don't have it all figured out just yet, but I think what I hope to pass on to my girls is basically this: Don't do it because you feel pressured, or scared or unsure. Don't do it because everyone else is or because he, or she, really, really wants to. But if you feel truly ready, if you're committed, if you feel safe and valued and strong, then there's nothing at all wrong with wanting or enjoying sex.

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What will you tell your children about sex?

Photo: TLC